So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
Randomize
