There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
Brb crying the tears of my youth
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
Randomize
