The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
