They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
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