His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
Randomize
