i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
