whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
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