There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Randomize
