i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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