Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
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