Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
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