Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
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