Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
Randomize
