My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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