sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
