I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Randomize
