Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
This girl is more easily done than said...
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
the liver wants what the liver wants
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Randomize
