Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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