Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Randomize
