At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize
