She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
Randomize
