He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
Randomize
