I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
