dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Randomize
