i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
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