Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
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