Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Randomize
