i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Randomize
