So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
Randomize
