thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
