can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
Randomize
