So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
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