I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
