I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
