the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
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