it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
