then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Randomize
