My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
