I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
Do you have feelings for this penis?
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
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