I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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