who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
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