I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
Church boner. Awkwardddd
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
Randomize
