I don't usually arrange sex via text message
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Randomize
