The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
Randomize
