im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
Randomize
