I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
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