On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
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