I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
Randomize
