In the future we'll all be gay
hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
Two words: blizzard sex
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
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