My underwear smells like fireworks.
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
I wish there were birth control emojis
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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