just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
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