so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
