don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
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