She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
