Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
Randomize
