Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
