sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
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