It was confusing and full of hummus
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
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