So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
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