All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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