he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
I love having hate sex.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Randomize
