is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
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