Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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