i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
