We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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