You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
wake up i wanna do it froggy style
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Randomize
