Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Randomize
