Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
