My first STD was from a foam party
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
Randomize
