I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
Randomize
