Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
operation have a gay friend backfired
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
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