both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
Randomize
