We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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