If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
