yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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