$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
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