Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Randomize
