I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
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