Me. At least after what I've been through.
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
Randomize
