i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
Randomize
