I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
